Humorous Quotes attributed to Lyndon Johnson
1908-1973, 36th President of The United States of America

A President's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right.

As man draws nearer to the stars, why should he not also draw nearer to his neighbor?

Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it.

Better to have him (Edgar Hoover) inside the tent pissing out, than outside pissing in.

Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.

He's (Gerald Ford) a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off.

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it..

I seldom think of politics more than 18 hours a day.

I want to make a policy statement. I am unabashedly in favor of women.

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim."

The Air Force comes in every morning and says, "Bomb, bomb, bomb." And then the State Department comes in and says, "Not now, or not there, or too much, or not at all."

The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character.

The Democratic Party at its worst is better than the Republican party at its best.

There are no favorites in my office. I treat them all with the same general inconsideration.

There are plenty of recommendations on how to get out of trouble cheaply and fast. Most of them come down to this: Deny your responsibility.

This is a moment that I deeply wish my parents could have lived to share. My father would have enjoyed what you have so generously said of me - and my mother would have believed it. (Commencement address at Baylor University, 28 May 65)

When I was young, poverty was so common that we didn't know it had a name.

When things haven't gone well for you, call in a secretary or a staff man and chew him out. You will sleep better and they will appreciate the attention.

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