Humorous Quotes about
Lawyers

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. ~ Ambrose Bierce

God works wonders now and then;
Behold a lawyer, an honest man.
~ Benjamin Franklin

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold. ~ Bob Hope (Confessions of a Hooker)

If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers. ~ Charles Dickens

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. ~ Charles Lamb

Lawyers I suppose were children once. ~ Charles Lamb

The trouble with law is lawyers. ~ Clarence Darrow

Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. ~ David Mellor

If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers. ~ Edward F. Halifax

Crocodiles have a smile I’ve seen on the face of every lawyer I’ve ever met. ~ Erma Bombeck (All I know about Animal Behavior...)

An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for years or months. A competent attorney can delay one even longer. ~ Evelle Younger

If half the lawyers would become plumbers, two of man's biggest problems would be solved. ~ Felton Davis, Jr.

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. ~ Franklin P. Jones

If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn’t that weird? ~ George Carlin (When will Jesus bring the Porkchops?)

It is unfair to believe everything we hear about lawyers, some of it might not be true. ~ Gerald F. Lieberman

The lawyer's truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency. ~ Henry David Thoreau

I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters. ~ John Keats

A lawyer is a gentlemen that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. ~ Lord Henry P. Brougham

In cross examination, as in fishing, nothing is more ungainly than a fisherman pulled into the water by his catch. ~ Louis Nizer

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. ~ Mario Puzo

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do. ~ Mark Twain

A lawyer is one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation. ~ H. L. Mencken

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

A lawyers dream of heaven; every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers. ~ Samuel Butler

I would be loath to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it, but I am afraid he is an attorney. ~ Samuel Johnson

It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour. ~ Thomas Jefferson

Young lawyers attend the courts, not because they have business there, but because they have no business. ~ Washington Irving

People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide. ~ Will Rogers

At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings. ~ Woody Allen (Mere Anarchy)

A fox may steal your hens, Sir,
A whore your health and pence, Sir,
Your daughter rob your chest, Sir,
Your wife may steal your rest, Sir,
A thief your goods and plate.
But this is all but picking,
With rest, pence, chest and chicken;
If ever was decreed, Sir,
If lawyer's hand is fee'd, Sir,
He steals your whole estate.
~ John Gay (The Beggar's Opera)

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