Humorous Quotes attributed to
Groucho Marx
1895-1977, American Comic Actor

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Madam, before I get through with you, you will have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife. (Monkey Business)

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Oh are you from Wales ?? Do you know a fella named Jonah ?? He used to live in whales for a while.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Remember you're fighting for this woman's honor - which is probably more than she ever did. (Duck Soup)

Room service? Send up a larger room.

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill.

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.

There's only one way to find out if a man is honest...ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook.

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire!

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Time wounds all heels.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next year.

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first. (Duck Soup)

Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

You can leave in taxi. If you can't leave in taxi you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. (Duck Soup)

You haven't stopped talking since I came here! You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle! (Duck Soup)

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

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Humorous Quotes attributed to Groucho Marx 1895-1977, American Comic Actor

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Humorous Quotes attributed to
Groucho Marx
1895-1977, American Comic Actor

What's New ?!
Humorous Quotes
about Boats
Click Here