Humorous Quotes attributed to
G. B. Shaw
1856-1950, Irish Dramatist
- A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
- A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable
but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
- A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
- A doctorís reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
- Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
- All great truths begin as blasphemies.
- Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.
- Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.
- Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their
tastes may not be the same.
- Do not try to live for ever. You will not succeed.
- England and America are two countries divided by a common language.
- Even the youngest of us may be wrong sometimes.
- Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an
international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.
- I was always unlawful; I broke the law when I was born because my parents weren't married.
- I often quote myself, it adds spice to my conversation.
- If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they wouldnít
reach any conclusion.
- It is a womanís business to get married as soon as possible, and a
manís to keep unmarried as long as he can.
- Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases
to be serious when people laugh.
- Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.
- My reputation grows with every failure.
- One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't.
- Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.
- Take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then say it with the utmost levity.
- The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
- The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
- The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to
be indifferent to them: thatís the essence of inhumanity.
- The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends
on the unreasonable man. (Man and Superman)
- The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those
who have not got it.
- The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not
the power of speech.
- There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heartís desire.
The other is to get it.
- Those who can do, those who can't teach.
- To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid
enough to want it.
- We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
- We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years and
justify our existence...on pain of liquidation.
- We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop
- What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattery.
- When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
- When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger
wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.
- When a man teaches something he does not know to somebody else who has no
aptitude for it, and gives him a certificate of proficiency, the latter has
completed the education of a gentleman.
- Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest
the door of course.
- You see things; and you say `Why?' But I dream things that never were; and
I say `Why not?
- Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
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