Humorous Quotes from
Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas
By Tom Robbins

The day the stock market falls out of bed and breaks its back is the worst day of your life.

The financial apocalypse that will put the "broke" back in "broker" ...

If you refuse to acknowledge your race, how can you blame your misfortunes on it?

It's a fact that some men conceal the greater part of their personality between their legs.

Your face turns so red you can see it reflected in Q-Jo's silverware. The vice squad could hire you as a smut detector.

There's no use trying to restrain the socially responsible once they are locked in on their suffering target.

The sky is aprickle with stars and that the moon looks like a radiation blister that a primitive physician has treated with sulfur.

You wonder if God doesn't have an answering machine to screen out the prayers of the venal and the boring? And in which category has he placed you?

Where is this coming? Must be whiskey, the great ventriloquist.

As expected, you get his machine. Someday, even the "call of nature" will be answered by a machine.

Belford is lying on the bed, eyes closed and an expression on his face that could end three Italian operas and still have enough anguish left over to butter an existentialist's toast.

The afternoon lasts approximately as long as fourth grade.

You open a window to let the sunbeams in. They behave like tourists, which, in Seattle, they practically are.

There's a hole in God's ether where all the ringing goes.

Good grief! It has taken you this long to think of that? You are to detective work what Grandma Moses is to German Expressionism.

Somalia could wring out your hair and end its drought. Still, you stand in the deluge for another minute or two...

People do not get 'heavy' with wisdom. They get light. The wiser you become, the lighter you become.

At the Exasperation Olympics, this guy would win all the gold medals.

The light switch flips up and down uselessly, like the lips of the President.

If each of us, in secret, were allowed to ask God one question, absolutely nobody would ask, "are you a man or a woman? Or "What color's your skin?" proving that issues of gender and race are ultimately trivial.

Animals - do not share man's pathetic need to socialize bliss, codify awe, pigeonhole the Mystery, and tame the Divine. For an ape, born twice is entirely redundant, since an ape gets it right the first time.

Are you aware that rushing toward a goal is a sublimated death wish? Its no coincidence we call them 'deadlines.'

If the Titanic had been a Porsche, it would still be afloat.

In the beginning was the thing. And one thing led to another. The simple but enduring truth of that abridged version of the first chapter of Genesis is demonstrated once again in the cockpit of the Porsche.

"You come back soon," Freddie says. "Bring you Christian friend. I introduce him to God's great gift, Saint Pot. Heh-heh.

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