Humorous Quotes about
Diet / Weight Loss

There is no need to worry about mere size. We do not necessarily respect a fat man more than a thin man. Sir Isaac Newton was very much smaller than a hippopotamus, but we do not on that account value him less. ~ Bertrand Russell

What you eat standing up doesn't count ~ Beth Barnes

Give me a dozen heartbreaks...if you think it would help me lose one pound. ~ Colette

For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest). ~ Dave Barry (Boogers are my Beat)

I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets. ~ Dolly Parton (My Life and Other Unfinished Business)

I tried the Scarsdale diet and the Stillman water diet (you remember that one, where you run weight off trying to get to the bathroom). ~ Dolly Parton (My Life and Other Unfinished Business)

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart. ~ Erma Bombeck

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies. ~ Erma Bombeck (All I know about Animal Behavior...)

No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office. ~ George Bernard Shaw

The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters. ~ Groucho Marx (Memoirs of a Mangy Lover)

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.
~ Hermione Gingold

The 2nd day of a diet is always easier than the 1st. By the 2nd day you're off it.
~ Jackie Gleason

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks. ~ Joe E. Lewis

Obesity is really widespread. ~ Joseph O. Kern II

I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. ~ Linda Evangelista

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. ~ Mae West

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. ~ Mark Twain

Never eat more than you can lift. ~ Miss Piggy

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. ~ Orson Welles

The typical old-fashioned diet (in the nineteenth century) was so bad it almost assembled modern dieting. ~ P. J. O'Rourke (All the Trouble in the World)

'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times. ~ Randy Glasbergen

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. ~ Rita Rudner

You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say it's a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway. ~ Scott Adams

Eat as much as you like--just don't swallow it. ~ Steve Burns

A waist is a terrible thing to mind. ~ Tom Wilson

I'm a light eater. When it gets light, I start eating. ~ Tommy John

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.
~ Wallace Irwin

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones. ~ Walt Whitman

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