Humorous Quotes attributed to Chico Marx
1887-1961, American Comic Actor

Hello? Room Service. Bring up enough ice to cool a warm body. (Room Service)

I came into this world even. All I want to do is go out even.

I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.

I'd kill *you* for money. [Harpo looks dejected] Ha ha ha. Ah, no. You're my friend. I'd kill you for nothing.

If they'll just put a good two-iron, a golf bag, a pack of gin cards and a beautiful blonde in my coffin, they can send it anywhere they want.

Mustard's no good without roast beef.

My grandfather's great. He's a great-grandfather. (Monkey Business)

My partner - he's got a nose just like a bloodhound ... and the rest of his face don't look so good either. (Duck Soup)

Take your face out of my foot! (Monkey Business)

The first crap game I ever played in I lost forty-seven thousand dollars in one night, but I learned as I went along. In time I was able to lose much more than that.

Well, who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes? (Duck Soup)

(when asked how much money he'd lost gambling) Ask Harpo. As much money as he has, that's how much money I've lost.

Whenever you got business trouble the best thing to do is to get a lawyer. Then you got more trouble, but at least you got a lawyer. (At the Circus)

Albertson: Well, if you fellows don't mind, I'm going to wash up.
Chico: Yeah, go ahead. The rest of us are already washed up.
(Room Service)

Groucho: It's all right, tha-that's in every contract. Tha-that's what they call a sanity clause.
Chico: Ha ha ha ha ha ha... you can't fool me. There ain't no Santy Clause.
(A Night at the Opera)

Thelma: I have a falsetto voice.
Chico: That's-a funny; my last pupil she had-a false set-a teeth.
(Horse Feathers)

Groucho: How much would you charge to run into an open manhole?
Chico: Just the cover charge.
(Animal Crackers)

Groucho: Don't you know what vessel is?
Chico: Sure, I can vessel... [starts whistling]
(Monkey Business)

Groucho: Do you want to be a public nuisance?
Chico: Sure. How much does the job pay.
(Duck Soup)

Groucho: You give up that silly peanut stand and I'll get you a soft government job. Now, let's see . . . How would you like a job in the mint?
Chico: Mint? No, no, I no like-a mint. Uh . . . what other flavour you got?
(Duck Soup)

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