Humorous Quotes attributed to Bill Cosby
1937- , American Comedian, TV Show Host

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time. (Fatherhood)

I want to die before my wife, and the reason is this: If it is true that when you die, your soul goes up to judgment, I don't want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things.

I was lying, of course: that's what parents do best. (Congratulations! Now What?)

I wasn't always black... There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first. (Time Flies)

In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee. (Time Flies)

In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women. (Love and Marriage)

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Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest."

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.

Parents are not quite interested in justice, they are interested in quiet.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

Since self-deception is the heart of falling in love, perhaps the best sex education for a boy is not studying drawings of reproductive systems but simply learning to lie to himself. (Love and Marriage)

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

The average person wonders every day about the weather, but I never think about that. I think instead about when Macy's will be getting artificial hearts. (Time Flies)

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation. (Love and Maariage)

Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard. (Fatherhood)

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His kids. (Fatherhood)

Women are prone to irrationality just before menstruation. Men, on the other hand, have a nice evenness to their irrationality. They can be just as crazy at Easter as they are on Veterans Day. (Love and Marriage)

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think -- in a deeper voice.

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Humorous Quotes attributed to Bill Cosby1937- , American Comedian, TV Show Host

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Humorous Quotes attributed to Bill Cosby
1937- , American Comedian, TV Show Host