Humorous Quotes about
Jack Benny

We have been friends because we are not in competition. I do the kind of show he could never do - a giveaway. ~ Art Linkletter

Jack's a great musician, and I'm a great actor. It takes a great actor to say Jack Benny is a great musician. ~ Bob Hope

Last time Jack paid one hundred dollars a plate, it was to his dentist, Dr. Pincus. ~ Bob Hope

Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me. ~ Bob Hope

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in. ~ Bob Hope

I'd like to kill him but the Government needs the money. ~ Bob Hope

When Moshe Dayan heard him play (the violin), he took the patch off his eye and put it over his ear. ~ Dean Martin

One night I was walking in my sleep and Mr. Benny put a vacuum cleaner in my hand. ~ Eddie Anderson (Rochestor)

Before shoes were invented, Jack was a heel. ~ Fred Allen

Jack has no more hair than an elbow. ~ Fred Allen

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes. ~ Fred Allen

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as if the strings are back in the cat. ~ Fred Allen

He is so anemic that if he stays out at night, he has to get a transfusion so his eyes will be bloodshot in the morning. ~ Fred Allen

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. ~ George Burns

I liked Benny right away, he had something I enjoyed very much - a worse singing voice than mine. ~ George Burns

Jack and Mary and Gracie and I were going to dinner one night and Gracie asked Mary, 'Is Jack really thirty-nine?' And Mary said, 'Ridiculous.' Then she asked, 'And how is his sex life?' and Mary said, 'Ridiculous!' ~ George Burns

Jack rarely sang in public, and with good reason. ~ George Burns (Gracie)

(when asked how well her father played the violin) Well, let me out it this way. He doesn't play as well as Jascha Heifetz - but then, who does? ~ Joan Benny

Benny has done more than raise millions of dollars to erase operating deficits of major orchestras. He has brought multitudes of people who would not otherwise be there into the concert halls to prove that music can be entertaining and rewarding. ~ Leonard Bernstein

Last night, Jack Benny played Mendelssohn. Mendelssohn lost. ~ New York Post Critic

His violin always plays off-key, but his humor is never off-color. ~ Ronald Reagan

Jack Benny had style from the beginning. He stood straight and walked kind of sideways as if he were being gently shoved by a touch of genius. ~ William Saroyan

Throughout Jack's violin solo at the Hollywood Bowl, the audience was glued to their seats. That was the only way he could get them to sit down. ~ Zubin Mehta

There was one especially memorable moment . . . when Jack began a very difficult passage from Mendelssohn's Concerto, everyone in the orchestra turned and looked at Jack in wonder and amazement . . . they were playing Beethoven's Fifth at the time! ~ Zubin Mehta

There's one particular moment during that concert that I shall recall as long as I live. Its when the entire audience jumped to its feet and shouted, 'More! More!' it was right after Jack had announced there would be a five-minute intermission! ~ Zubin Mehta

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