Humorous Quotes attributed to Voltaire
1694-1778, French Historian, Writer
- A witty saying proves nothing.
- A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.
- Animals have these advantages over man: They have no theologians to instruct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.
- Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
- Common sense is not so common.
- Divorce is probably of nearly the same date as marriage. I believe, however, that marriage is some weeks the more ancient.
- Do well and you will have no need for ancestors.
- Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.
- God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.
- I know of nothing more laughable than a doctor who does not die of old age.
- In my life, I have prayed but one prayer: oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it.
- It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
- It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce.
- It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge.
- Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.
- May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.
- Monsieur l'abbé, I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write.(Letter to M. le Riche, 6 February 1770)
- "Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies."
- - on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
- Originality is nothing but judicious plagiarism.
- Superstition is to religion what astrology is to astronomy; the mad daughter of a wise mother.
- The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the diseases.
- The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
- This poem will never reach its destination. [On Rousseau's Ode To Posterity]
- To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
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