Humorous Quotes attributed to Lily Tomlin
1939- , American Comedienne, Actress

At the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it all than at any other time.

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

If the formula for water is H2O, is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?

If you're read a lot of books you're considered well read. But if you've watched a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

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