Humorous Quotes attributed to Jeff Foxworthy
1958- , American Comedian

I hadn't been this excited since the last Victoria's Secret catalogue came in the mail. (Games Rednecks Play)

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

If I'm around my family for more than a week I start having fantasies that maybe I'm adopted ! (Games Rednecks Play)

If your honeymoon was featured on True Stories of the Highway Patrol, you might be a redneck. (Big Funny)

If you're growing up and your parents aren't crazy you got to ask yourself - "Where did I go wrong?" (Games Rednecks Play)

It's not a desirable job (designated driver), but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. (Games Rednecks Play)

My mother-in-law walked out in her bathing suit and my youngest daughter looked at her and said "Gamma you shouldn't draw on your legs with a blue magic marker." (Big Funny)

Rednecks think mutual funds means everybody's having a good time. (Totally Committed)

Sophesticated people have retirement plans; rednecks ... play the lottery. (Totally Committed)

Sophesticated people play chess; rednecks can amuse ourselves for hours with a sheet of bubblewrap. (Totally Committed)

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

The rule around our house is, if it ain't broke it ain't ours ! (Games Rednecks Play)

The underwear they make these days is so skimpy Victoria doesn't have a whole lot of secrets left. (Games Rednecks Play)

To me, the definition of redneck is a glorious absense of sophestication. (Totally Committed)

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex. (Games Rednecks Play)

Whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

You might be a redneck if ...the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.”

You might be a redneck if . . . You consider a six pack of beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainment. (You might be a redneck if )

You might be a redneck if . . . You think “The dishwasher is broke” means your wife has no money. (You might be a redneck if )

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