Humorous Quotes attributed to George Mikes
1912-1987, Hungarian Born English Humorist

According to Victorian novels these girls ought to be desperately unhappy; but they do not read Victorian novels and they are quite content. (How to Tango)

An average English motorcar could be placed, I believe, without much difficulty, in the luggage-rack of an average American automobile. (How to Scrape Skies)

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one. (How To Be An Alien)

As a motto, I shall keep to Francis Bacon's advice: "Praise yourself daringly, something always sticks." (Shakespeare and Myself)

Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles. (How to be an Alien)

English humor resembles the Loch Ness Monster in that both are famous but there is a strong suspicion that neither exists. Here the similarity ends: the Loch Ness Monster seems to be a gentle beast and harms no one; English humour is cruel. (English Humour for Beginners)

Everybody can write; even among professional writers the percentage of those who can write is as high as 12.37. Everybody can write but only a few people can read and that makes the job a shade more difficult. (Shakespeare and Myself)

Going to bed with women is almost a national hobby with Brazilians; it is rather like cricket in England. (How to Tango)

I firmly believe that humanity consists of three main groups: (1) BBC employees; (2) former BBC employees; (3) future BBC employers. (Shakespeare and Myself)

It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not known, however, why this decision has not been carried out. (How to Scrape Skies)

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

Nobody uses his car in New York, because so many people use it that traffic is congested and unbearably slow. (How to Scrape Skies)

Our society is a free society. In a free society you are allowed to say what you think. But you are not allowed to think. (Wisdom for Others)

Table manners are usually quite senseless all the world over. The rules are created by a small class of people who ridicule others for eating differently. (How to Scrape Skies)

The English have no soul; they have the understatement instead. (How to be an Alien)

The world still consists of two clearly divided groups: the English and the foreigners. One group consists of less than 50 million people; the other of 3,950 million. The latter group does not really count.

Three Italians engaged in a friendly chat can make more noise than the average English mass-demonstration in Trafalgar Square. (Shakespeare and Myself)

We are much more modest. Only the rich are insatiable. No rich man considers himself rich enough; but I consider myself poor enough. (Wisdom for Others)

You are my darling little fiancée and you will remain my fiancée forever. (How to Tango)

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