Humorous Quotes attributed to Finley Peter Dunne
1867-1936, American Journalist, Humorist

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.

Don't jump on a man unless he is down.

Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money the most, are the very ones that never have it.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better -- it is just turning around as usual.

Trust everybody - but cut the cards.

Vice is a creature of such hideous mien...that the more you see it the better you like it.

Ye can lead a man up to the university, but ye can't make him think.

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