Humorous Quotes from
Dave Barry in Cyberspace
By Dave Barry
- The hugely popular Windows 95
operating system revolutionized the software world thanks to its capability
of accomplishing the seemingly impossible task of making Bill Gates even
richer than he already was.
- Even if you're just an ordinary human
being or member of the legal profession ...
- This is why we taxpayers do whatever the
IRS computers tell us : We know that once they get a cyberbee in their
cyberbonnets, no power on Earth can get it out.
- Because of the extremely high cost and
phenomenal inaccuracy of early computers, the only customer for them was the
- Gates is a very rich man today - Forbes
magazine estimates that he's worth more than the entire O.J Simpson defense
- If you were to travel back in time and
look at the average person's computer screen during that era (the days of
MS-DOS), you'd see what looked like a conversation between the computer user
and an unusually hostile employee of the federal government.
- Computers operate on simple principles
that can easily be understood by anybody with some common sense, a little
imagination and an IQ of 750.
- Buying the right computer and getting it
to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from
wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
- Reaching an actual Technical Support
Representative is about as easy as reaching the Pope, the difference being
that if you ever did reach the Pope, he would probably be more helpful.
- You might find that everything works
(with your computer) exactly the way it is supposed to, no problems, no
glitches, nothing, in which case ... Whatever you do, don't wake up.
- I moved on to Microsoft's Comdex display,
which occupied roughly the same
square footage as Connecticut.
- Your Comdex attendees strike me as the
kind of people who celebrate New Year's Eve by defragmenting their hard
- The release also stated, apparently
without trying to be funny, that the industry (Cybersmut) takes in over $3
billion a year in "gross income."
- I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor
- I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt ...
- An operating system is the
"Godfather" program that operates behind the scenes, telling all
other programs what to do, making sure they cooperate, and if necessary
leaving the heads of virtual horses in their beds.
- The computer was working fine when Rob
started; after several hours of installation, it was a totally
dysfunctional, muttering, potentially violent thing, and we had to take it
outside and shoot it.
- To say that Gene is "serious"
about his anagram work is like saying that the Pacific Ocean is
- Some installation programmes can actually
alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has
been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a food processor.
- Have you ever asked yourself why the
federal government, despite employing millions of bright people, displays
the collective intelligence of a squeegee?
- The Internet is the most important single
development in the history of communications since the invention of
- It contained various sophisticated and
extremely subtle humor elements that could look, to the uninformed observer,
like bad words.
- "Acronyms" are chemical
substances secreted by moths wishing to have sex. No, wait, that's
- Fights like that, you and Max have
learned, aren't resolved by talking; they're resolved by the gradual
rotation of Earth, which is what you're both waiting for now.
- In the Computer Revolution everything
changes way too fast for the human brain to comprehend. That is why only
14-year-olds really understand what is going on.
Have you checked out
this super book?
Have you checked out
this super book?
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