Humorous Quotes attributed to Casy Stengel
1890-1975, American Baseball Player, Manager

Ability is the act of getting credit for all the home runs someone else hits.

All right, everyone line up alphabetically according to your height.

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player, It's staying up all night looking for one that does him in.

I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me, especially since I've been thrown out of so many.

I got players with bad watches - they can't tell midnight from noon.

I love signing autographs. I'll sign anything but veal cutlets. My ballpoint pen slips on veal cutlets.

If you're playing baseball and thinking about managing, you're crazy. You'd be better off thinking about being an owner.

Old-Timers Games, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're successful.

That boy couldn't hit the ground if he fell out of an airplane.

The secret of managing a club is to keep the five guys who hate you from the five who are undecided.

The trick is growing up without growing old.

The Yankees don't pay me to win every day, just two out of three.

They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that the ones who drink milk shakes don't win any ball games.

They examined all my organs. Some of them are quite remarkable and others are not so good. A lot of museums are bidding for them. (after being hospitalized for two weeks)

We're in such a slump that even the ones that are drinking aren't hitting.

When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.

You gotta learn that if you don't get it by midnight, chances are you ain't gonna get it; if you do, it ain't worth it. (About sex)

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